When I judged the Goal
Written by Jen Meldrum
Goal setting can be tricky. Not because of the client, but because of what’s going on in me.
When clients set their goals, it often comes after we’ve spent time exploring their vision: How they want to feel, what they’d like to change, what “better” looks like for them.
And then comes that moment, the big statement. The goal. The one we write down, hold onto, build around.
But I’ve noticed something. More often than not, when we get there… it feels flat.
The flat goal.
It’s not that the words are wrong, or meaningless, it’s that I don’t feel something when I hear them.
And then my inner critic starts whispering:
“Maybe you didn’t dig deep enough.”
“Should you have asked another question?”
“Where do you stop — how do you know when it’s enough?”
I catch myself judging the goal, thinking it’s not emotional enough, not powerful enough, not what I think a “great” coaching goal should sound like.
And that brings doubt:
“Am I not coaching well enough to help them find something that truly matters?”
“Or… do they just not know yet?”
A client who taught me something important.
One coachee in particular brought this home for me.
We’d spent time exploring her vision and how she wanted life to feel different. When it came to naming her goal, I kept trying to help her find something more emotional, something that would really land. But it just wasn’t coming.
Every time I tried to “go deeper,” she stayed practical, grounded, focused on tangible outcomes. I remember thinking:
“This doesn’t sound like it’s connected enough.”
But after another session, something clicked.
We realised that she works in practicalities. That’s her world. That’s her language.
For her, an emotional, aspirational statement wouldn’t connect, it would actually feel uncomfortable and unhelpful.
Her goal needed to be practical and tangible, because that’s what mattered to her.
It wasn’t that the goal was flat — it was that I was expecting it to sound a certain way.
Supervision helped me see it
I’ve brought this to supervision many times, and it’s been such a valuable space to unpack it.
I’ve learned that the goal doesn’t need to connect with me, it needs to connect with them.
I’m not looking for inspirational quotes or perfectly crafted statements.
I’m looking for something that matters, whatever that looks like for the person in front of me.
Sometimes that’s emotional and expressive. Sometimes it’s measured and practical.
Both are valid. Both are meaningful.
What I’m learning
- The goal isn’t for me — it’s for the client.
- My sense of “flat” might just be my bias for what connection should look like.
- Depth doesn’t always sound emotional. It can also sound simple, steady, or grounded.
- Trusting the client means trusting their way of expressing what matters.
Thoughts to consider:
- How do you notice when your own expectations start shaping how you hear a client’s goal?
- What does “depth” look like for different types of clients?
- How can you check that a goal connects for them, rather than assuming what “connection” should sound like?
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