Getting Stuck at Goal Setting
Session 1. My first ever coachee. The start felt smooth, until we hit the goal.
The first session had been going really well. We’d gone through the Wheel, explored her focus areas, talked about her vision, what she wanted life to look and feel like when things were going well. Everything was flowing, the energy was good, and she was engaged.
Then we reached the goal setting part. That’s where things suddenly slowed down.
We hit a wall.
When it came to putting her goal into words, something she could feel connected to, we just couldn’t seem to land it.
We tried different angles, rephrased, and revisited her vision, but nothing quite clicked. She kept saying things like:
“That doesn’t quite feel right,”
“It’s close, but not quite it,”
“I don’t feel anything when I say that.”
And I could feel myself starting to panic a little inside.
I kept repeating her vision, hoping the words would come. I was trying to help her find the right goal, but at the same time, I didn’t want to force something that didn’t feel authentic to her.
It was that tricky space between wanting progress and holding space.
Eventually, we found a sentence that felt “good enough for now.” She agreed to take it away and reflect on it before our next session.
The self-doubt crept in.
Afterwards, I couldn’t help but second-guess myself.
Had I failed to guide her properly?
Was I missing a question that would’ve unlocked it?
Should I have pushed harder or held back more?
I replayed the conversation in my head a few times. I realised how much I wanted her to feel something, to see that spark of recognition when she found the right words. And when it didn’t happen, I felt like maybe I hadn’t done “enough.”
The next session
When we checked back in at her second session, I asked how the goal had settled for her. To my surprise (and relief), she smiled. She said she’d sat with it, and that the wording we’d landed on did feel right after all. It just needed a little time to breathe. Once she had reflected on it in her own space, it made sense to her and felt meaningful.
It was a reminder that the coaching process doesn’t always resolve in the session. Sometimes the work continues quietly between sessions.
What I learned.
- Sometimes no breakthrough in the room doesn’t mean no progress.
- Clients need time to connect emotionally with their goals. and that’s okay.
- My job isn’t to have the perfect question ready; it’s to hold space for discovery, even if that means sitting in uncertainty.
- Trusting the client’s process also means trusting my own.
- Thoughts for new coaches to consider:
- How do you handle it when you can feel a client isn’t “clicking” with their goal yet?
- What helps you stay calm and present when the conversation feels stuck?
- How do you know when to keep exploring and when to let something breathe until next time?
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