Why Empathy Matters (and Why It’s Harder Than You Think)
Written by Kirsty McWilliam
A friend of ours lost someone recently. It was sudden, devastating, and left all of us fumbling for the right words.
I noticed how easy it was to slip into “I” statements — “I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine, I remember when…”
We want to connect. We want to help. But when someone is grieving, our instinct to fix, compare, or share our own pain can unintentionally pull the focus away from them.
That’s the difference between sympathy and empathy.
💬 Sympathy says:
“I feel for you.”
It keeps a bit of distance. Often well-meaning, but sometimes minimising.
🤝 Empathy says:
“I’m with you.”
No fixing. No comparing. Just presence and permission for the other person to feel what they feel.
This matters beyond grief
At work, the need for empathy shows up in the everyday:
- Someone’s overwhelmed by a project.
Sympathy might say: “I know, I’ve had weeks like that too.”
Empathy might say: “This looks like a lot. Want to chat through where you’re stuck?”
- A team member seems unsure, overly reliant on you.
Sympathy might rush in with reassurance: “You’re doing fine, don’t worry.”
Empathy might pause to say: “I’ve noticed you checking in a lot – what’s feeling less certain?’
- A colleague mucks up a presentation.
Sympathy might brush it off: “We’ve all done it.”
Empathy might acknowledge it honestly: “That looked tough. Want to go over it when you’re ready?”
Empathy doesn’t remove accountability.
It increases ownership — because people feel seen and heard, not judged.
But what gets in the way of empathy?
We often do care — and that’s part of the challenge.
Our genuine desire to help can fall into us trying to:
• Fix– jumping in with advice or solutions
• Rescuing– taking over or smoothing things out to protect them
• Minimising – offering silver linings that shut down emotion
• Relating too quickly – sharing our own story when theirs still needs to be heard
And underneath that?
Often it’s discomfort.
We want to reduce their discomfort — but also our own.
Empathy asks us to stay present without reducing or redirecting.
To sit in the uncertainty with someone, rather than solving it for them.
That’s not always easy. But it’s where trust lives.
Ponder point – what gets in your way?
What’s your go-to response — fixing, rescuing, minimising?
When did you last jump in instead of stepping back?
What was your reason for doing so?
For me, my empathy can sometimes run too high – out of balance with my problem-solving.
That means I can slip into rescuing/protecting or minimising people from feeling bad.
But the unintended consequence? We don’t always get to the right problem, the right timing, or the right solution.
It’s a work in progress — and that’s okay. That’s emotional intelligence – not who you are, but who you want to be.
What does empathy in leadership actually look like?
• Listening without interruption or assumption
• Asking open, curious questions
• Not rushing to solve or soothe
• Letting people be human — even when it’s messy or inconvenient
This is where emotional intelligence matters. Not just when something dramatic happens — but in the small, daily moments that shape culture and trust.
Why bother?
Because empathetic leadership isn’t soft.
It’s strategic.
Empathy:
• Builds trust
• Fuels better thinking and ownership
• Reduces anxiety and reactivity
• Increases resilience and loyalty
And it doesn’t mean absorbing everyone’s emotion. It means creating the conditions for people to feel safe, seen, and supported — so they can do their best work.
Final thought?
Empathy isn’t about having the perfect thing to say.
It’s about being present, especially when someone’s struggling — whether with grief, self-doubt, or just prepping for the next team meeting.
Play around with this.
Try to step back, step out — and see what happens.
If you’re noticing empathy gaps in your leadership team, or want to build emotional intelligence into your culture — we can help.
From coaching to team development and EQ training, it’s what we do.
Get in touch – kirsty@thinkeq.com
#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #EmpathyAtWork #EverydayLeadership #ThinkEQ #HumanWork