Self-regard: fix that, fix everything? was the subject of our most recent continuous professional development discussion group here at Think EQ last week. As EQ certified practitioners, we work with individuals and organisations in a a variety of roles and sectors. One thing that we see time and again, particularly for those in senior roles, is low self-regard. We see how it impacts on everything from the way we interact with others around us to the decisions we make, the way we approach problems and even how we manage stress. Let’s explore the subject ‘self-regard; fix that, fix everything’ in a bit more detail.
It starts with a question…
Like every good question designed to make you stop and think, the discussion group was divided in its opinions. Some thought a deep dive into the root causes may lead to greater insights and an improved self-awareness. Some felt there were too many other variables that could impact on a person’s self-regard. Improving this one facet wasn’t necessarily enough. All agreed that when a person’s self-regard is high, there can be great changes.
People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. Ability is not a fixed property; there is a huge variability in how you perform. People who have a sense of self-efficacy bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handle them rather than worrying about what can go wrong.Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
As you might imagine, as EQ certified coaches, self-regard pops up often with our clients. It sometimes manifests as imposter syndrome. This is the inherent belief that you’re not good enough, qualified enough or experienced enough. Sometimes, it can present in completely the other way; an over inflated ‘dramatisation’ designed to mask feelings of low self-worth. We use the EQ-i 2.0 model because it is designed to raise personal awareness. It can be a surprise to learn how out of balance your self-regard is and the impact it can have on overall wellbeing.
Our Top Tips For Improving Self Regard
Like all good coaches, we use an EQ toolkit to support our client. This helps increase their self-regard to start to bring about an appreciation of their strengths and weaknesses. We like the Power of Three model. For every negative thought we have about ourselves, we counter the thought with three positives. Here are some top tips to help you during times of low-confidence:
- Talk nicely to yourself
- Celebrate your achievements
- Let go of perfectionism
- Be realistic about others
- Find your tribe
- Embrace your strengths and your weaknesses
- Be kind to you!
- Be your own champion
- Stop people pleasing
- Treat yourself 😉
Why Understanding Self-Regard is Important
EQ is a great way for us to start to listen to our internal dialogue and identify the situations that trigger our inner coach or inner critic. Both are important but both need to be balanced. One taking the lead over the other can have a tremendous impact on the way we live our lives.
Ponder point: What is the tone of your inner dialogue?
If you’d like to know more about your own emotional intelligence, you should consider EQ coaching with a certified practitioner. The EQ-i 2.0 is the world’s only scientifically validated tool for the measurement of emotional intelligence. Combined with the feedback, we get to examine areas of emotional strength and weakness. From there, we can embrace the weakness and leverage the strengths. The purpose is to bring about self-awareness and move you towards change. You can see some example reports here.